In God's Hands

In the days following the visit to the oncologist through Sunday, June 29, the following has taken place.

On 6/25, he visited again with the oncologist which resulted in the following:

We visited with my in-laws yesterday. The lump on Carl’s neck has reduced dramatically in size. Thank you, JESUS.

I beg your continued prayer for all of us. The storm is tossing us about quite a bit. Knowing that we are being supported through prayer helps us to keep in mind that Jesus calms the storm.

Our trip began early. Due to special instructions given by Dr. Brierre’s office, Scott and I had a few errands to run prior to joining my in-laws for the appointment. One of those instructions was to avoid using strongly scented deodorants, colognes, or perfumes. Being a teen boy, he refused to wear my “for women”, but lightly scented, deodorant. We also needed cash from the ATM. With a few minutes to spare, we headed to church to spend that time in prayer. I lit a candle while doing so. Quiet, alone time in church is so peaceful!

Then, it was off to the oncologist’s office. Parking for his patients is in a tower. Level one - full. Level two - full. Around and around we go hunting carefully for a parking spot. Finally, at the top level - on the roof - we find one.

As we exited the vehicle, we called Angela’s cell phone (PRAISE GOD for those little gadgets!). She tells us that they were able to find a spot to park at level three. We head down in he elevator to meet them. During our restroom break, Scott realized he had forgotten the car’s headlights on. He hurried back up to turn them off. As he did this, we were allowed a few moments to breathe. When he returned, we entered the elevator and headed to level two which is where the office is located.

Upon entering, the usual procedures of paper work and such were done and soon after completing that, Carl’s name was called. We could not help but laugh at the length of the line as we - myself, Scott, Angela, and Hilda followed close behind him. During a VERY brief wait in the patient room, we made a quick calculation of Carl’s current weight and amount lost. Prior to all of this, his weight was somewhere near 198 pounds. On this day, the scale read 171 pounds - fully clothed, pockets filled, and shoes on.

The physician’s assistant entered - last name Buller. He explained that Dr. Brierre would be in shortly, but that he would “start the ball rolling”.

While with Mr./Dr. Buller, I noted the following:

At that point, Dr. Brierre entered. I noted the following:

Carl went to the urologist this morning. Catheter was removed. Barring no more problems, return in one week for a checkup.

IF there are any bladder or urinary complications, get to hospital for a catheter to be reinserted.

From the urologist, they went to lab for prescribed routine blood work; that routine is 2-3x per week.

The sugar levels have begun to be challenging. The doctor noticed some elevated levels. He is now having to check that 3x per day and take prescribed medications.

Tomorrow: Morning appt. with Dr. Brierre (oncologist).

We had a great Father's Day.  He and Hilda prepared the coon-ass microwave with a turkey and a pork loin.  Mike, myself, and Scott attended our normal Sunday Mass.  After that, we headed to their house.  Mike finished up the cooking.  It was a quiet day with just us and them.  Other family members trickled in during the afternoon.  It was a lovely day and one that Carl and Hilda seemed to be enjoying.

Your prayers are appreciated.  The journey is just beginning.

On Thursday, June 12, 2008, Mike took the day off of work to be with his parents as the doctor shared with them the results of tests taken during his 10 day hospital stay. I joined them. I brought along my notebook. These are the notes I took as the results were given and discussed.

The results are not as grim as expected. With positive response to meds and treatments, there is a 75% chance that he can live much longer. Because this has been detected so very early on, chances of treating and controlling this are on his side.

Your continued support through prayer would be greatly appreciated. The journey ahead is filled with scary terms and uncertainties.

It’s been a while since I’ve posted. Not because I have little to write about, but that I have been more inspired lately to read than to write. This morning, I feel as though my spirit has ADHD. The subject is one, but the thoughts are many. The thoughts come and go so quickly that I barely have the time to make mental note of them. My spirit zigzags from joyful to sad and from lifted to splattered. I feel as though I am on a roller coaster ride.

I’ve been reading. I read one blog that said we could be the only Bible that one would ever read. That one really stopped me in my tracks. Halted. Screeched. Black skid marks at my heels. WOW! I? ME? Little ole ME? Could I be the only Word that someone ever reads? Am I holding up to what God intended of me in this life? I have always been conscience of the fact that as a Christian, I must be Christ-like at all times. As I ponder this, I think that most of the time He would pat me on the back and say, “Job well done.” BUT, on others, I am sure that He finds Himself disappointed; I am sure that He wishes that I had not opened THAT chapter for all to read. What chapters are those? Which areas of my choices, life, words, should I improve. Well, I’ll claim the fifth and leave that between me and HIM. I’ll claim the fifth, but grip the Word and His counseling. I’ll ask His mercy and move onward. By the way, I have not committed any crime punishable by law.

I recently ran across a quote by Helen Keller. “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” I cannot recall if this was in a post or simply something I ran across. Does it matter? It was though they were spoken directly by God to my soul. THAT is what matters.

Character? So, that Bible that I am, which may well be the only one that someone will ever read, in it I must be a character? Not like Daffy Duck, but like Christ! Yes, I must. Yes, WE must. If we have any knowledge of Christ, we must! Is my character Christ-like? Let me look into the mirror while I work, play, and communicate with others.

Mirror…What do I see? Do I see kind and gentle? Do I see love? Do I see the image of Christ covered with my own skin? Am I looking for the plank in my fellow Christian’s eyes, or do I see the one within my own eye? Do I point the finger at others to blame them when I can surely use some improvements of my own?

Sadness comes when I think of the many people who are suffering. Depression. Cancer. Heart disease….the list is endless. When I read of those, I pray with you even though there is no comment left. Even though I may never have had to deal with some of your issues, know that Christ has. He endured it all – just for you!

Death. Whoa! NOT an easy subject. I do not deal well with losing a loved one. Does anyone? I’ve lost three very close loved ones since 2005. Practice does not make perfect in this particular area for me. I lost one suddenly. The other two lingered; slowing breathing their last. They gripped life with all they had even after the Father began to call them home. One was not any easier than the other. Praise God it’s not strike three; you’re out when it comes to dealing with death.  I read a couple of blogs which speak of the author going through experiences similar to those which I have. I pray with you. I feel with you. I wish that I had some profound advice to share which would make your journey easier. I wish I could give you a time-line which would state when the pain heals. There is none. Years later, the memories are sometimes joyful and sometimes make me so lonesome that I pour out the tears. Grab hold to your faith. Do not lose your grip. God will carry you through. That is how I traveled my own journeys when I had a heart filled with grief.

Tears – a gift. Indeed! A gift from God which helps us heal, release, see clearly. Tears. Some people NEVER cry. Oh, how my heart aches for what they are missing out on. The loving arms of God coming to you, whisking you off of your feet and lifting you to places you’ve never dreamed of being - places which only HE can take you. Tears. Why do some avoid them? Mine come, sometimes without warning. Rarely can I hold them back even if I wanted to. If I am able to hold them, I am miserable until they fall. Tears. An important part of my faith walk.

Slow to anger. WHAT? Slow to anger? Is that something we are supposed to be? You’re kidding, right? Do you know my bloodline? Do you know the genetics that I must fight in order to comply with this command? Do you know that I am approaching a phase in life named menopause? Slow to anger. Hmmm…..work in progress for me.

Progress. YEP! I can claim progress. Our little family recently went through a first - a first which brought heartaches, tears, and anger. As I look back at my behavior and choices through that difficult time, I can see progress. I was slowER to anger. Tears fell.  Arms hugged.  Loving words were spoken.  Support was given.  Hearts grew closer.  Understanding was deeper.

Speaking. What do we speak? How do we speak? Of course, when one hears these words, they immediately think of one using their voice in communication. Voice? Is that the only means that we communicate? Not in today’s society of technology. Voice, voice mail, email, blogs, community forums, websites …….the list is endless. It is not the method we use to speak which is important, but the content of that communication which is. What are we saying?

Technology. Wow! Awesome! IS it? Can be! HOW do you we use it? If WE are the only Bible that some people might ever read, are we considering this when we blast cyberspace with the content of our cyber “pages”.

Bible. The one TRUE book. The Word. As a person is living their last moments on earth, they recall the Word. THAT is awesome. When I am in that phase of life, will I be able to say that. I pray so. It is my ONE concrete source of Truth. It is my ONE real resource for Answers.

If I have said what you’ve already said, then that means that the Holy Spirit, through you, inspired me to be a better person. For that, I give thanks to God for inspiring you and I thank you for allowing the Spirit to flow through you. You didn’t have to. You could have rejected it. You didn’t. You humbled yourself to be used as a vessel to bless others. May you be blessed in return.

If, by chance, the words that are shared here your eyes read for the first time, then I praise God for the spiritual ADHD that I have today.  I know there is a reason for it.

Dreams have always fascinated me. How complex is our mind that it can dream as we sleep. How complex is our mind that some dreams are remembered in great detail, some tucked away until an experience in our life un-tucks them, and yet others are tucked away so deeply that they are never remembered.

Mom and Dad visited with me on my patio yesterday. Dad looked tired. Dad also looked like he was deep in thought. With the storms that passed through yesterday morning, I knew that they were awake much earlier than their normal routine. He said that after the storms had settled he returned to bed for a short nap. When he did so, he dreamed of his deceased father. He said that in his dream, he could see him just as clear as if he were sitting with us. He was wearing his khaki clothes. They were together at the farm property. They were after a combine that Grandpa Gro had purchased. After determining that the combine had been a wise purchase, Grandpa Gro was off to get another leaving Dad in charge of the first.

Listening to Dad’s dream was mesmerizing. I wondered if he dreamed of him because he was aware of the anniversary of his death. Or was the dream a way of being reminded of the date. Maybe it was because Dad seemed to turn to his father for fatherly advice and maybe he would enjoying having that now. Maybe it was because he’s been spending time with a friend who is older than Dad and he wishes it were his Dad. Maybe it was because Mom has been going through old photos and some were of him. Maybe…Maybe….Maybe….the list could be endless.

Our conversation then turned to the dreams that I’ve had about my deceased grandparents. Mom shared dreams of her own deceased parents. Conversation switched to another topic, then another, and soon they were leaving.

Today, the story of Dad’s dream stayed on my mind. Along with those thoughts were thoughts of our Creator who created our amazing mind. How amazing HE is!

Psalm 148:5 “Let them praise the name of the Lord, For He commanded and they were created.”