In God's Hands

Each year, on All Souls Day, St. Peter's parish remembers their recently deceased parishioners by presenting their family members with a small gift in their memory. On Nov. 2, a small group of our family gathered at St. Peter's Church to receive that gift in memory of Grandma Foreman. The Mass was said in its normal format with the exception of the short presentation of gifts immediately following the homily.

The church was solemn. The people were revenant. The pains felt when losing a loved one to death were evident. As I looked around, I saw families whom had buried loved ones in January. We had done so in April. Some had done so as recently as a few weeks ago. As I looked into the faces of those present, I realized that the pain that was so fresh in my heart was also fresh in theirs. It didn't matter how long ago, or how recently, we joined our hearts as one in memory of those who are no longer with us.

During the Mass, I recalled the numerous times that I had seen my grandmother enter the church - always in her quickly paced steps. I recalled as a young girl how she would occasionally pick me up to assist her in doing some cleaning in the church. I recalled her being a Eucharistic minister. I recalled her stepping up to the altar in reverence to prepare for the Mass and her passing a little wink at us as though she were saying, "See, it's good to serve the Lord." It was almost as though she would step onto the altar at any moment to do that once more, but then I glanced over at the pew that had once been her place to sit during Mass. Although that pew could have been filled with other people, it will always look empty to me.

Going back to St. Peter's church will never be the same. Driving down the road in front of her home will never be the same. Going back to her home will never be the same. Christmas will never be the same. No holiday will ever be the same. Our lives have changed because one whom we love has passed from this life and entered into eternal life.

Each day that dawns, opens a new page in life. Each day that ends brings the close of a chapter from the past. As the chapters close, we learn to live with the events on those pages, and sometimes we return to them for a brief visit. No new page will ever return to us those that we miss so dearly, but as we turn the new pages we can hope that the sadness that fills our hearts today will one day be replaced with hope. Hope that we "shall obtain joy and gladness, and sorrow and sighing shall flee away." (Isaiah 35:10)

Coming back to this category brings back much of the pains in my heart that I have been attempting to heal. As we all know, Grandma Foreman's earthly life ended and she joined Our Lord and Grandpa Foreman on April 1, 2006. So many emotions flooding all at once. To recall her last day with us, the relief of her no longer suffering and being prodded with this needle and that needle, our final moments with her, the immediate moments following her last breath, the funeral home, the legal matters, the seperation of personal properties at the house......the emotional ride has been one I hope to never experience again. I can hope, but know that each time someone I love departs from earth and goes into eternal life, the same emotional ride will return.

I return to this category today because yesterday was the day that we normally wished her HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Mom phoned me during the day asking if I knew what day it was. Yes, I knew. The thoughts were like tons of weight upon my heart. Oh, how I wish I could have called her one more time. As Mom and I talked, she recalled some of those times; memories of her being worried as Hurricane Rita approached and her ride to Alabama during the evacuation. Then, we can't help but laugh as our thoughts turn to her, today, in Heaven. Of course, none of us know exactly what we are capable of doing once we reach that eternal life, but if she has been able to have her way, I am sure that she has been stirring up whatever "dust" might be around. I am sure that there is one heck of a vegetable garden and flowers, too. I am sure they are enjoying some of that strongly brewed coffee that she enjoyed making and serving. I am sure that those around her have gained a couple of pounds from her tasty cooking. No, we do not know exactly what is taking place up there, but it sure is fun to think that she is making her way around, with the most lively spirit I've ever known, telling stories, feeding others food and laughter, and watching down upon us while insisting that God bless us all - with finger pointed and hands on her hips.

Happy Birthday, Grandma Foreman. I am a day late with this message, just as I always was a day late in calling to share those wishes in person. It brings joy to my heart knowing that you have celebrated it once again with Grandpa Foreman, whom you missed so, and Our Almighty Father.

Time may heal our heart from the pain in losing you, but time will never erase the wonderful memories that we all have in our hearts.

There were no significant changes in her condition on Thursday.
Her condition continues to be a very critical one.

They continue to carefully monitor the functions of the vital organs.

They continue to pay close attention to the bone marrow and to give her the blood products needed as determined by the blood work.

They continue to give her the medications they feel will assist her in fighting her illnesses.

The respirator continues to assist her with breathing.

This is the 38^th day of hospitalization for Grandma Foreman.
With each day that passes, our concern grows greater.
With each day that passes, we wonder, "How long can she fight?"
With each day that passes, we continue to believe that this is but a season and during this season God is at work fulfilling His purpose in all of our lives.

Ecclesiastes 3: 1 "To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under the heaven"

There were no reportable changes in her condition during the afternoon and evening of Wednesday. Her condition continues to be a very critical one.

They are carefully monitoring the functions of the vital organs including the kidney, the heart, the lungs, and the bone marrow. They continue to give her the medications they feel will help her fight the multiple health complications. They continue to give her the necessary blood products as determined by the blood work. They continue to pay special attention to the bone marrow because of its importance in determining if her body can work naturally in its fight against illnesses.

Our faith is tested.
Our strength is tested.
Our patience is tested.
Even through these tests, we keep our eyes fixed on Jesus so that He may carry us through these difficult days.

I Peter 1:7 "that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ,"

While the doctor visited with the family this morning, he shared with them that although her condition continues to be a very critical one he does remain hopeful. He will continue the medications that he feels will help her to fight through the multiple health complications. He also shared with them that he feels the kidney has begun to function more normally, that the bleeding in the intestinal area has improved, and that her heart remains very strong.

They will continue to monitor her condition very carefully paying very close attention to the bone marrow and whether or not it resumes normal functions. While doing so, they will give her the blood products as determined by the blood work.

Your concern and your continued prayer are greatly appreciated.

On Tuesday, she continued to give slight responses to our voices and our touch, but those responses seem to be done semi-consciously.

The respirator continues to assist her with breathing.

Blood products continue to be given as determined by the blood work.

They continue to monitor her condition carefully paying very close attention to the bone marrow and whether or not it has begun to resume its normal functions.

As we spend our time with her during the very limited visiting times, we caress her with our words and our touches. We do our best to comfort her and soothe her. We pray with her and for her. We exit her room with the heaviest of hearts while placing her into the hands of God. We go through our days with her constantly on our minds. We encourage one another. We share our thoughts and concerns with one being very consistent: "I cannot believe this is happening to her." It is with those heavy hearts, prayers and encouragement that we remind ourselves of Isaiah 55:8; "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor your ways My ways". It is with that Scripture in mind that we stand firm in our faith knowing that God's ways are the best ways; even when we do not fully understand them.

There were no changes in her condition on Monday.

Her condition continues to be a very critical one.

They continue to monitor the bone marrow paying careful attention to whether or not it responds to the changes in medication.

The respirator continues to do the majority of the breathing for her.

They continue to provide the needed blood products as determined by the blood work.

Although she does give slight responses from time to time, it seems that she is semi-conscious.

Matthew 6: 9-13 "In this manner, therefore pray: Our Father...."

Her doctor visited with her, and with Lester and Arline, for an extended period of time this morning. When he entered her room, he spoke to her and noticed that she made a slight response. After a thorough review of her case, and because she responded to him, he has decided to change some of her medication. He is hoping that the change in medication will assist the bone marrow to resume production of the red and white blood cells. While waiting to see how the bone marrow responds to this change, he will continue to provide the blood products as determined by the blood work, the respirator will continue to assist her with breathing, and they will continue to monitor her condition very carefully.

Her condition continues to be a critical one. Your concern and your continued prayer is greatly appreciated.

I spent most of the day at the hospital and found that there was very little change in her condition from the time I spent there on Saturday.

They continue to carefully monitor the blood and provide the necessary blood products as determined by the blood work.

The respirator continues to do the majority of the breathing for her.

Although she was not given medication to sedate her, she slept for most of the day. It seems that she is semi-conscious.

The blood work indicates that her bone marrow has not yet begun to produce the necessary blood cells.

Psalm 91:2 "He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I will trust."

With each passing day, the chances are becoming less likely that she can survive and make a full recovery from the multiple complications that she is battling.

The most recent complication involves her kidney. She only has one, and it has begun to show signs of becoming weak in its functions. This is a serious complication because of the kidney being needed to filter the toxins from her body.

The medications for sedation were not given on Saturday, but even without them, she remained asleep. There were a few times that she gave a slight move of the hand, or move of the foot to indicate that she could hear us, but she appears to be semi-conscious.

The respirator is now doing the majority of the breathing for her.

Her blood pressure is not as strong as it has been.

The blood work indicates that the bone marrow has not resumed production of the needed blood cells.

Her condition has reached a very critical point.

As I write this, I am reminded of "Footprints in the Sand". Although we cannot see her footsteps, we trust that Our Lord is carrying her to the destination that He knows to be best for her. We pray for the courage to accept whatever that will and that destination may be, and to forever stand firm in our faith.

Psalm 2:12 "Blessed are all those who put their trust in Him."